What to do when something bad happens. This works.

What do I do when something bad happens? 

When I googled this phrase and nothing helpful popped up I decided to do a podcast with information I wish I had at my fingertips when shit hit the fan. At the point I am in a panic I don’t need a catch phrase like “Choose Joy” or “Look for the silver lining”.  I need a practical, straightforward plan how to get through this nightmare. I need practical steps to get through the panic. So here is my advice on my In Your Backpocket Podcast.

I have seen a chicken with its head cut off and it’s not pretty. 

Here are life’s biggest stressors: 

  • Death of a loved one 

  • Divorce

  • Moving 

  • Major illness 

  • Job loss 

I am going to add a few more that are highly stressful too:

  • Job insecurity

  • Unexpected Change in financial obligations - due to job, childcare, medical, etc 

  • Expected change in financial obligations -new house, new child, 

  • Mental health issues

  • Childcare issues 

  • Partner issues - instability issues, loving trusted partner issues

When I look back to my most stressful and unexpected bad news changing my life I took the following steps and they worked. Now, when shit hits the fan these steps come almost subconsciously and they need to because my first reaction is to Freak the F out! 

I’ve also walked my friends through these steps when life threw them into the pit of despair and I walk clients through these steps when something unexpected happens that feels insurmountable. 

These steps really do work.  

  1. Immediately upon hearing the news I want you to stop for a minute whatever you are doing. Stop. Take one short moment to breathe. I know you want to take charge and take action. Just set down the phone and take 1 moment to take one deep breath. 

  2. Vent. Scream. Call a friend. Go to your neighbors. Get a friend to come over. Let out all of the emotion of the moment so you can move forward and make decisions without all of this pent up emotion. Don’t let yourself get out of control with this emotional venting. Take time to vent but remember there is stuff that has to get done. THEN you can have a good cry. 

  3. Now- ask yourself what you can do right now to take control of any part of the situation to help move yourself or your loved one forward in a healthy way. My first step is to make a checklist. Just start writing down what you need to do so your brain has a place to put all the random thoughts swirling around in your head. This gets your brain to start focusing on what you can control and you start to feel a bit better even if the list is HUGE.

  4. ok. Set up your next 24 hours, or next 48 hours to get at least 8-10 hours of sleep. Nothing good happens emotionally when we don’t sleep. You MUST plan to find the time to sleep so you can make solid, smart decisions. Do not drink alcohol. Have good food in the house. Get outside if you can- even for only 15 minutes. Regardless of the weather, fresh air does wonders when you breathe it in for just a few moments. Get healthy food in the house or for the travel time. Everything feels worse when we are operating on no sleep, bad eating habits and when we drink alcohol. 

  5. Refer to your checklist and make calls and feel like you are making progress. Call a neighbor or family member to come help you with childcare or meals or driving or whatever you need. ASK FOR HELP.

  6. Now you can freak out. Take a long shower or a bath. Go to bed for 10 hours. But try not to wallow. It’s easy to get into a state of despair. Don’t let yourself wallow in the bad news. Negativity can snowball and it can take over our heart and mind. Don’t let it consume you. You have to get stuff done in order to move forward in a healthy way.  

Try to remember that there are people who want to help you. 

Also remember that you will get through this. Because you have to. 

Here they are again: 

  1. Breathe for just a moment before you do anything.

  2. Vent for a minute or two to get out that pent up anxiety and fear 

  3. Make a checklist 

  4. Set up your next 12/24/48 hours for being able to move through this crisis. 

  5. Make progress on your checklist. 

  6. Permission now to freak out

  7. Rinse, repeat 

Take care of yourself.

Best,

Kathy

Kathy HansonComment